


Fix You

by Justanotherfangirl



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Caleb and Nott: mutual parenting, Gen, Spoilers for Episode 19, listen. I love my goblin mother but somebody please help her love herself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 09:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14733992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justanotherfangirl/pseuds/Justanotherfangirl
Summary: Nott may not love herself yet, but she has a new family determined to help her learn how.





	Fix You

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! It’s my first critical role fic! After that last episode I just had to write something about Goblin Mom Nott getting her dose of parental love and acceptance :’)

Nott’s heart was fluttering in her chest as she entered the room she shared with Caleb. She had been putting this off for weeks, now; she kept coming up with reasons why she needed to wait a little longer, to let Caleb get smarter and stronger and better, but she knew that was just an excuse. If she wanted to ask Caleb to do this, it would be better to do it sooner rather than later.

So she pushed open the door slowly, hands already fumbling for something to fiddle with. Nott sighed; she needed a drink.

“Caleb...” Nott began, fidgeting with the frayed ends of the bandages wrapped around her wrists. 

Caleb barely looked up from the book he was reading, sparing her a distant, distracted glance. He was lost in thought; he had that face he got when he was struggling with some problem, his mind right on the cusp of a revelation that would make everything snap into place.

This was a bad time.

Nott shifted awkwardly. “Uhhhhhhh if you’re busy I can come back later...” she trailed off, already edging toward the door. This was a mistake, she shouldn’t have bothered asking, she was so _stupid_ -

“No, I am just finishing up.” Nott could tell he was lying, that he had just gotten to the good stuff, but he continued before she could protest further. “Did you... want to talk about something?”

He spoke carefully, gently, trying to put her at ease. It didn’t work; Nott felt her stomach twisting into all kinds of sickening shapes, and her heart pounded too loudly in her chest, but she tried to smile anyway.

She remembered what he had said to her- that she could always come to him if she needed to talk- and took a deep breath before continuing.

“Actually, I wanted to ask you something, Caleb.” Nott sat down on the bed next to him, trying to ignore the way his brow furrowed with concern. “I have a pretty big favor to ask.”

Caleb looked at her intently. “Of course, Nott. What is it you need me to do?”

A deep breath. This was it.

“I... I want you to... to change me.” Nott didn’t look at Caleb, choosing instead to toy with the loose end of one of her bandages, rolling the dirty cloth back and forth in her equally dirty fingers.

After a long pause, Caleb spoke, his voice softer than usual. “I’m sorry... I do not understand what you mean. Change you how?”

Nott, still looking down, tried to stop the tears that were forming at the corners of her eyes. “I-I don’t want... to be a goblin... I want to be a normal person- a good person. You’re good at magic, you’re strong. You can change me.” Nott looked up, then. “You can make me... good.”

Caleb’s eyes were filled with such sadness that Nott worried for a second that she had somehow trudged up some painful memories from his past. She immediately backtracked, putting her hands up in surrender.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, just forget I said anything-“

“Nott.”

Nott looked up, blinking back tears before they could fall. Caleb looked so sad, so so sad, and Nott’s heart ached for him.

“I do not think I can do that, Nott.”

Nott’s shoulders slumped, and then the tears really did start falling, tracing through the grime on her face.

“I-I know you can do it, Caleb, you’re so smart! I know it might take you awhile to figure it out, but, but-“ she sniffled and wiped her nose noisily on the back of her hand. “But I know that you can fix me!”

Caleb shook his head, sadder than she had ever seen him before. “It’s not that, Nott... I mean, a spell like that would take me a long time, if I could even find such a spell, but... why do you want to change yourself?”

Nott looked at him and almost laughed. “I’m- I’m a goblin, Caleb! Look at me! I’m- my people have done terrible, disgusting things. I can’t be like them! I have to be different!”

Caleb knelt on the ground, putting his hands on Nott’s shoulders and looking into her eyes. “Nott, you are different from them. You are a good person, Nott, better than a lot of halflings or humans or gnomes. Better than me,” he added, almost under his breath, then shook his head as if it clear it. “And besides,” he continued, “not all goblins have to be bad, Nott. You do not know that all goblins are like the ones that you grew up with, do you?”

Nott, still crying, shook her head, not in agreement, but in frustration. Why couldn’t he understand? Goblins were evil, terrible, cruel... she couldn’t let herself be like them!

In her head, she was replaying the night her clan attacked a small human village near the edge of the forest. It was barely large enough to be considered a village; a smattering of houses, a small general store, and a temple to some human god none of the other goblins had bothered to learn the name of. The goblins had attacked in the dead of night, when all the humans were asleep. Most of them were farmers, not equipped for a fight, and they went down quickly. Nott could still remember the dsperate cries of a mother as her toddler was yanked from her grasp, then killed right in front of her for no other reason than cruelty. Nott had been too young to do anything about it then, too young and weak and scared of being on her own. 

How could Caleb sit there and tell her not all goblins are evil when she had seen such hatred with her own eyes?

Caleb’s voice broke into her thoughts. “Nott... do you think you are evil?”

Nott paused for a second, genuinely stumped by the question. She stole a lot, and that certainly wasn’t good. And she had killed things, and people. Bad people, but people nonetheless.

Still, Nott shook her head. “I... don’t know. I don’t think so.”

Caleb smiled. “Well, I know for a fact you are not evil. And if you are a goblin who is not evil, then there must be others out there like you, ja?”

Nott wasn’t convinced. “I mean... maybe? But Caleb, you haven’t met other goblins, you don’t know what they’re like-“

“But I have met you, and I know what you are like. And, Nott, you are not a bad person, no matter where you came from.”

Nott sighed, wringing her hands in frustration. “So... you won’t even try?”

Caleb still looked so sad, and only now did it occur to Nott that he was sad for _her_.

“I will look into it, Nott, just to see if it can be done.”

Nott felt a smile stretch across her face. She ran to Caleb, intending to throw her arms around him, but was stopped when he grabbed her hands.

“But Nott, I want you to know- the team does not think you should change. I do not think you should change. You are a goblin, for better or for worse, and we would not have it any other way. You do not need to change at all.”

Caleb was looking at her with such earnestness, an honest and open express that seemed almost out of place on his usually carefully masked face.

“Oh... okay,” she said, unsure of what to make of that statement and the strange look he was giving her.

Caleb nodded, seemingly satisfied. “And in the meantime, while I am researching, we can see if we meet any good goblins, ja?”

Nott was skeptical, but nodded anyway. Whatever got him to take her seriously.

Caleb seemed to have a thought, then, and turned to Nott once more with that honest look in his eyes. “Nott, can you make me a promise?”

She nodded, completely caught off guard. What could he possibly be asking her for?

“If we meet a good goblin, any good goblin, will you please promise me that you will stop trying to change yourself?”

Nott scoffed. “Sure, Caleb.” Why refuse? No good goblins existed; she had nothing to lose.

Caleb seemed to understand her line of thinking, and sighed. “Well, I will try to show you that you are wrong. But until then, do not worry about it. The rest of the group and I will look out for you, ja?”

Nott nodded. She wasn’t sure if she felt reassured, or dismissed, or something else entirely.

“Let’s get some sleep now, it is getting late.”

Again, Nott nodded, not really listening. She nestled into Caleb’s side like a cat, listening as his breathing evened out and he started to snore gently. She couldn’t fall asleep, though. After about an hour of tossing and turning, she got up and padded down the hall, entering the washroom.

Even in only the dim light of the moon, Nott could make out her features; long pointed ears, slitted eyes, teeth sharp enough to rip flesh. She stared at each of them intently, trying to make herself stop feeling disgust at what she saw. 

She couldn’t quite manage it, which, to her surprise, disappointed her a little bit. She supposed that was a start. 

Besides, Nott reasoned with herself, even if she didn’t like the way she looked, it’s not like it mattered. She had friends who didn’t mind at all, and even if she couldn’t feel the same, maybe that was enough for the time being.

Nott returned to her room, smiling just a little bit to herself, and curled back up against Caleb. She was asleep in minutes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments are always appreciated! :D


End file.
